Babble 07/07/2008

Vincent Gallo's Sperm

I think Vincent Gallo is really talented and funny. I’m not sure if he means to be funny, but he is. I became a fan after watching Buffalo 66, and even though his next film The Brown Bunny was absolutely unwatchable (even with the real life Chloe Sevingny blow job), I’m still a fan because he’s such a unique character. He really is a talented photographer/director/actor/painter/musician and writer (as you can tell from the description he wrote below), and he sells a lot of things on his website. My previous favorite listing was the VINCENT GALLO evenings, weekends escort listing, but now he’s followed it up with an even better one.

Vincent Gallo’s Sperm: $1,000,000

Price includes all costs related to one attempt at an in-vitro fertilization. (A $50,000 value) If the first attempt at in vitro fertilization is unsuccessful, purchaser of sperm must pay all medical costs related to additional attempts. Mr. Gallo will supply sperm for as many attempts as it takes to complete a successful fertilization and successful delivery. Sperm is 100% guaranteed to be donated by Mr. Gallo who is drug, alcohol and disease free. If the purchaser of the sperm chooses the option of natural insemination, there is an additional charge of $500,000. However, if after being presented detailed photographs of the purchaser, Mr. Gallo may be willing to waive the natural insemination fee and charge only for the sperm itself.

Those of you who have found this merchandise page are very well aware of Mr. Gallo’s multiple talents, but to add further insight into the value of Mr. Gallo’s sperm, aside from being multi talented in all creative fields, he was also multi talented as an athlete, winning several awards for performing in the games of baseball, football and hockey and making it to the professional level of grand prix motorcycle racing. Mr. Gallo is 5’11” and has blue eyes. There are no known genetic deformities in his ancestry (no cripples) and no history of congenital diseases. If you have seen The Brown Bunny, you know the potential size of the genitals if it’s a boy. (8 inches if he’s like his father.) I don’t know exactly how a well hung father can enhance the physical makeup of a female baby, but it can’t hurt. Mr. Gallo also presently maintains a distinctively full head of hair and at the age of 43 has surprisingly few gray hairs. Though his features are sharp and extreme, they would probably blend well with a softer, more subtly featured female. Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

To be clear, the purchase of Mr. Gallo’s sperm does not include the use of the name Gallo. The purchaser must find another surname for the child.

This service is available, but is only payable by cash, checks, and/or bank wire. No credit card payments accepted for this item.

Please email your inquiries to info@vgmerchandise.com

All in all, I guess this has nothing to do with surfing or design, and I’m not really interested in buying Mr. Gallo’s sperm, I just think it’s really funny.

Where to Buy

Vincent Gallo's Website $1,000,000

Babble 07/03/2008

Mark Philippoussis Almost Died at Winkipop

Click here for the news footage.

[ via: news.com.au ]

FORMER tennis ace (and Age of Love hunk) Mark Philippoussis has cheated death while surfing in wild seas off Victoria’s southwest coast.

The Scud was surfing off Bells Beach when he got into trouble in the turbulent waters before being dragged into a sea cave while his board was smashed in half, Channel 9 reported.

Philippoussis’ ordeal began when he paddled out of Winki Pop beach, between Bells Beach and Torquay, on the Surf Coast, southwest of Melbourne, yesterday morning.

Witnesses told the Nine the former top 10 player suffered hip and feet injuries after being swept into the area known as The Valley, while being battered by huge waves.

Witness Steve Ryan said he told Philippoussis not to surf out of Winki but to head closer to Bells Beach.

“I said, ‘Ah mate, I wouldn’t be going there because the sweep is really strong. Go up the stairs, down to Bells Beach, go a little bit up the beach then paddle out’ and said be careful,” Mr Ryan told Nine.

“He nearly got taken out by a big set … which was really dangerous.”

Philippoussis’ girlfriend was nearby and was alerted to the problem, Nine said.

Mr Ryan said the conditions were treacherous and Philippoussis was slightly injured.

“He got swept down, broke his board and took refuge in a cave for, like, two hours, had all his feet up and he hurt his hip,” he said.

Read on…

Babble 07/02/2008

LOOK UP!!!

By popular demand, I finally added a lot more banner photos. There are now about 100 of them that will randomly come up, so if you’re truly bored and have nothing else in life to look forward to, refresh… refresh… refresh…

Movies 07/02/2008

Hellboy 2

I think this looks great, I hope it is. I’m not normally all that into comic book movies, but there have been a few really good ones lately (Sin City, Batman Begins, Iron Man), and Hellboy 2 looks like it’s next in line.

It’s directed by Guillermo del Toro, who’s last film was the stunning Pan’s Labrynth, and it looks like this film is going to be pretty amazing visually too.

How come some movies based in CGI can look so stupid and over the top (Indiana Jones 3, Pirates 3, etc.) and other like this seem to make it work without looking so cheesy?

Movies 07/02/2008

Marky Abberton

Marky Mark has firmed as favourite to play Bra Boy Koby Abberton in a feature film about the notorious surfing gang.

The film will be based on the Bra Boys documentary, which tells the story of the Abberton brothers and the formation of the Maroubra-based surf gang.

“Mark is a great choice because he looks so much like Koby,” the insider said. “The biggest concern for everyone was the fact Koby has such a broad Aussie accent, but apparently Mark has nailed it.”

Universal Pictures bought the rights last year to the film, with Russell Crowe as its biggest supporter. The Oscar-winning actor is tipped to direct the film and is reportedly keen to play Sydney standover man Anthony Hines, who was shot dead in self defence by Jai Abberton in 2003.

Koby was found guilty of lying to police to cover up the shooting.

He is now facing a trial for the alleged assault of an off-duty policeman in Hawaii.

[ via: The Sydney Morning Herald ]

Music 07/02/2008

Shanna Gilfix

I’ll never understand the music industry. How do beautiful girls with voices and original songs like this not get a record deal? It’s amazing the crap that they try to force feed us, when girls like this go unheard of and singing in their trailer.

Quick, somebody with a record company give this girls a deal so I can download her album for free.

Industry 07/01/2008

Billabong Buys Sector 9

GOLD COAST, 2 July 2008: Billabong International Limited today announced the acquisition of Sector 9, a premium Southern California-based skateboard brand.

Sector 9 was founded in 1994 and has emerged as a market leader in the design and manufacture of skate longboards, a fast-growing niche segment within the skateboard market.

Billabong International Limited Chief Executive Officer Derek O’Neill said Sector 9 operated in the specialty boardsports channel with a unique product offering.

“Sector 9’s products, primarily its longboards, really differentiate it from other brands in the boardsports channel and have appeal to surfers, skateboarders and the broader youth market,” said Mr O’Neill.

“The company has not only proved the viability of the longboard segment, it has experienced sustained growth over the past decade and has become synonymous with the California boardsport lifestyle.”

Read on…

Gear 07/01/2008

Terra Wind Amphibious RV

Wow, so I dare anyone to guess who will be the first to step up and use this thing in a surf video.

Drive-Thru? Young Guns 4? The Search? Let’s see it!

Starting at only $850k, The Terra Wind’s features include GPS, tons of leather, DVD/VHS/CD players, all major appliances (fridge, washer/dryer, etc.), an 8-jet whirlpool tub, marble floors and shower, a 42-inch Plasma TV, and a 6-foot swim deck.

It looks like it also comes with an ex-porn star from the 70’s for a driver.

Click-thru for more pics.

Read on…

Gear 07/01/2008

Rolleiflex MiniDigi 5mp Camera

Check out the Rolleiflex MiniDigi AF 5.0. It’s a shrunken version of the classic Rolleiflex twin reflex camera, complete with hand crank, but with modern tech like an auto focus lens, a 3 megapixel CMOS sensor, and a pop-up 1.1-inch TFT viewfinder with hood. It’s only 3” tall so it can fit comfortably in your pocket, and it comes in red or black.

Looks like a pretty fun toy to me, but I’m not sure if you really get anything different out of the image than you would get from just cropping your regular digital photos into a square format.

And it does get one horrible review on Amazon.

So I’m not sure why I just posted this then…

Click-thru to see the best of the sample images I could find:

Read on…

Where to Buy

AmaZON $329